Written on May 6th, 2011:
It's late and I should be getting to sleep, but instead here I am, staring at the thatched roof of the Purple House and wondering where the year went. It seems impossibly heartbreaking to imagine leaving this place -- my home. Because Open ARms truly has become my home, and these children, well, they're (partly) my children -- this is my family. THe past two days that odd "leaving" feeling has crept in, casting a glow on everything and everyone: the children, the mamas, the grounds...Oddly I don't think I believed that I would experience culture shock in going going home until this very moment; but truly the notion of being in my room at home and then back at Notre Dame makes me feel ill. Now obviously it goes without saying tha I absolutely adore both places (and the people that surround them even more so!), but imagining my life without the 100+ hugs a day, without the noises of children laughing and shouting, just leaves me feeling completely empty. The quiet, even in my imagination, is overwhelming.
What a year it's been. Yesterday I sat on the bed next to mine and so vividly remmebered unpacking my clothes into drawers and sobbing wildly. I remember frantically calling people back home and feeling so lost and alone at night out on the porch. Who was that person who couldn't yet appreciate the beauty in just about everything at Open Arms? This palce is unbelievably special; these children are unbelievably special; and I don't think the extent to which I have loved them has ever hit me so hard until this moment.
Yes, they drive me nuts sometimes. Yes, I get impatient and I miss my friends and family and American convenience (and hamburgers), but ultimately I love everything about Open Arms. I love that I know how to navigate the property in the dark, that I know their routine so well, that I've made irreplaceable friends. I love that love and God are so present in every crevace of this place. How will I ever leave? It truly makes my heart ache in a very physical way.
Wow, I'm starting to get really worked up. Regardless, these children and the volunteers and this place will stay with me always, as they have indelibly changed me forever.
More to come soon I'm sure.
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