Written on October 24th, 2010:
First of all, I realize that I haven’t written in about a month and a half (whoops!) but I promise that I’m working on it. In the meantime, I will say this – these past two months have offered a lot of time of self-reflection, often encouraged by books I’ve read, conversations with Rita and the other volunteers, e-mails and phone conversations from you back home, and tiny tidbits I’ve gathered from various other places.
Tonight, finding myself roommate-less and tired but content after a day full of pretty much non-stop reading with children of all ages, I took a moment to dig through the binder I’d brought with me from home – full of important letters and memories that I was sure I’d need at some time or other and I happened across this: a letter to myself written at the end of my freshman year that I thought I’d share.
Dear Keaton,
As your freshman year concludes at the University of Notre Dame I want you to be brutally aware of how very wonderful your life is. There have been a lot of moments over the past 9 months when you felt inadequate and unloved and not sure of yourself, but those were by and far just crazy moods. You are so lucky. Lucky to have such wonderful and caring people in your life, a marvelous education given to you purely out of love and of expectation that you will take that education and do something meaningful with it. Remember that expectation. It’s not pressure anyone’s putting on you, it’s an expression of faith your parents have given you to follow your dreams. What you ultimately determine as worthy of your dreams is up to you. But promise me that you will follow those dreams. And beyond that, promise that you will inspire others to do the same. As you grow and reflect on the life that you live I just want you to keep your eyes on the kind of person I know you want to be. You are often distracted by tiny, miniscule obstacles and simple mood swings. I’m here to tell you to overcome. Live moment to moment because to live in either the past or the future is to live outside of your control. Make every day worth living – even the not so great ones. (Especially the not so great ones.) Take a moment out of each and every day to make a memory and then record it. It will give you strength and help you to keep perspective. My final pleas to you are these: don’t let anyone (especially yourself) tell you that you are inadequate or unworthy and don’t ever forget your relationships and the people who have given your life purpose. Follow these guidelines and you will not only learn to love whatever is thrown at you, but you will brighten the lives of so many others.
--Yourself
I’m not sure if anyone wanted to read this, but it strikes me tonight, as I sit here in the darkness and solitude of the Purple House how important it is that I remember the things that I wrote that day. So much of what I said seems pertinent to my life here. The future that I referred to in that letter, the one that seemed so nebulous and in the distant future is here. And it’s time to live day-to-day in pursuit of my dreams. I’m not sure I’m doing a terribly great job of that, but I am encouraged by the idea that finding joy in small things, each day, makes a difference.
I also wanted to take this opportunity to say that I feel so, so blessed to have been surrounded by such wonderful people who constantly give me the encouragement I need to know that even when I feel like I’m failing, that there’s always a bright new tomorrow waiting to give me a second chance. (The children are also amazing at reminding me that though we must always make the most of now, tomorrow is always a new day.)
Alright, well I think that’s enough from me for one night. Thanks for reading, always. And thank you for believing in me – even when I’m not so sure I do. More coming soon!
--Auntie Keaton
