I did, actually, start writing this entry throughout the month of September but just recently finished updating this entry according to the fairly diligent notes taken in my journals (I’ve just recently moved onto journal #3 now!). So my sincerest apologies for the lateness of this entries, but I promise that more are on their way soon…
Entry for the month of September:
Life at Open Arms is everything that I’d hoped it would be; it is impossibly imperfect, gloriously unpredictable, and quite frankly, disturbingly challenging at times.
The month of September exemplified all ranges that come with living and working here.
During the month of September, with Pat and I “in charge” (I use the term “in charge” loosely as we certainly had a lot of help), I immediately realized one thing: Rita is a saint. I mean sincerely, she is incredible. She handles all the hectic things that Open Arms throws her way with such grace, compassion, and patience. I wish, in all honesty, that I could say that I did the same while she was gone. But alas, I’d be lying. And as I have given several (thousand) lectures to children cautioning them not to lie, I feel it’s best that I follow my own advice and be honest in my blog posts as well.
The month of September brought some interesting challenges, some that I expected, and others that I did not: sickness (stress-induced I’m sure), power struggles, pride, jealousy, forgetting a few appointments here and there, dealing with the mamas, struggling to get the children to do homework every day, making a few trips into the clinic, punishing bad behavior ranging from shouting to stealing, and making a grown man cry were just a few that fell under Pat and my jurisdiction for the month.
But probably the most insidious of all challenges in the past month was the battle being waged within my own head. In all honesty, I spent a good portion of last month asking myself if I’d ever be able to give these children just what they need. A dangerous kind of self-doubt infected my routine, leaving me wondering if I’d just been masquerading as someone who knows what they’re doing. I had a miserable few days trying to sort out if I’d be remembered by the children here as “the punisher,” and if I really was just wholly missing the nature of my job here – to educate them. I went through a time when I truly thought I was a fraud for being here.
However, along with the struggles, the month of September also brought with it so many beautiful moments. For starters, on September 19th when about half of the Green House dressed up as superheroes (complete with full spandex and blankets tied around their necks) and ran around the yard flexing their muscles, bowing, and taking pictures. (Pictures to released soon.) Another personal favorite moment from the past month came when one of our five year-olds (who just turned six on September 11th!) asked me to read the New House a story. Of course, I obliged, and told him to go pick one out. Well, sure enough, about fives minutes later he storms back into the room and holds out the 200+ pages of “Anne of Green Gables.” Pat and I nearly died laughing. I insisted he go pick out another one but he simply declared “no! I want to read this!” (Thankfully I found a suitable alternative…). This, of course, from the same child who shouted “naughty, naughty fire pants!” to me. I stared at him, perplexed for a good 30 seconds before it dawned on me that what he was really trying to say was: “liar, liar pants on fire!” (So great, I’m definitely trying to keep his version alive.)
But while the children have kept me laughing, I’ve been trying to consciously improve myself each day. Sometimes (many times…most times…) I fail miserably. But among the things I’m trying the most to work on are patience, my Xhosa, and not letting my selfishness blind me from what love calls me to do.
My patience is coming along slowly – and often in spurts. To be honest, I get frustrated a lot. With 38 children there are constantly fights to break up, resistance to homework, talking back, temper tantrums, power struggles. I’m trying, but I find that so often I say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I pray that someday the right words will just always become immediately available. Somehow I’m not sure that day will ever come. Until that time I try to keep the mantra: “love, love, and love some more” on repeat in my mind.
Much like my patience, my Xhosa is coming along in spurts as well. In the month of September I added a few words/phrases to my repertoire including my favorite two to date: “you’re beautiful” and “I love you.” (Needless to say, these are used often…whether it’s teasing the 12 year-old boys about how “beautiful” they are, or telling the children I love them as they get ready for bed.) One of my favorite mamas (shh, don’t tell the others!) has also taken it upon herself to speak to Pat and I in Xhosa and let us guess what she’s talking about. Her most recent lesson: “Take that bowl and dish up…” (She also is one of our main cooks.) Meanwhile while I struggle to get half a sentence out in broken Xhosa (I am far beyond trying to even attempt the clicks anymore…), the girls Liane and I used to give English lessons to are flooring me with their rapid development. I was particularly touched when one of them started saying: “You is my friend” to me :). (So precious!!!)
September also brought one of my favorite recurring events at Open Arms: girls night!! As before, Elly and I stuck with the formula (why mess with a winner?) providing sweeties (I’m starting to call it candy less and less), nail polish (thank you Auntie Susan!), music, photos, and a good old-fashioned chick flick (this time Madeline!). Of course, it was a blast. The four year-old who has very recently moved up into the girls house (since the arrival of our newest one year-old!) especially made my day by taking to a dance that is very near and dear to my heart: the Cupid Shuffle! She was so outrageously precious doing it, sliding back and forth to the beat and kicking her feet out with little rhythm.
Of course, there was simultaneously a boys night going on in the main house, complete with movie (a Narnia film I believe), sweets, chips, soda, a clinic scare after one hurt themselves on a piece of metal, one child getting sick from too many chips, and an accident on the one of the sofas (we’re not sure about soda at boys/girls night anymore…). Even with those last few things they had a blast and couldn’t help rubbing in our faces how much “better” their night was. Gotta love the enthusiasm!
A few field trips occurred during the month of September as well. Our kids were out of school for a solid week due to strikes, but also had another week off in which we took the little ones to the Lion Park – which was awesome. It seriously could not have been a better place to take our children. We loaded everyone up in the car with a sandwich and juice bottle and spent the whole day wandering around what I can only describe as an outrageously sweet petting zoo. (Granted, not all the animals could be petted including lions, a tiger, giraffe, wild dogs, etc.) But the kids got to pet and feed giant tortoises, ostriches, goats, bunnies, llamas, and oh man was it fun to watch!
The next day it was the older kids’ turn to have a field trip – which we decided to fill with a trip into the movies in East London. Now to understand the anticipation for this trip you have to understand that literally since Bob had been here in the beginning of the month the children had spent every day asking if they could go see Karate Kid (yes, the one that came out ages ago in the States…we’re a little behind…). And if you think I’m exaggerating when I say every day, I’m definitely not. Unfortunately Karate Kid wasn’t deemed appropriate for children under the age of 10, so there were a few tantrums and tears, but luckily Despicable Me was also out so while I group went to the Karate Kid, I took another group to Despicable Me and totally fell in love. (If you haven’t seen that movie, stop reading this blog and go rent it. Besides, the message of that movie is so near and dear to my heart being at Open Arms: children change you.)
But while I absolutely adored the movie, exploring the mall afterwards while waiting for the other kids to get out of their movie was equally as entertaining. Of course, I was a nervous wreck walking through the mall with six children, my head was constantly on the swivel back and forth, back and forth, counting 1…2…3…4…5…oh man…phew…6! Probably my favorite part of wandering around the mall though was taking the elevator. I’m not sure whether our kids had ever been on an elevator or not, but I could you not, we went up one flight of stairs and one of our kids goes: “Can we stay on here forever?!”
Other highlights of the month of September included the children’s new obsession with Home Alone (I forgot just how delightful that movie is!!!), watching one of our girls’ netball tournament and goofing around with her friends (this was one of the events that I forgot…thankfully I was reminded by one of the mamas well before her first game began!) (ah, and for those unfamiliar with netball, it’s pretty much basketball without the dribbling), and getting ambushed by the children (several times) during various phone conversations.
Needless to say, at least one kid finds a way to melt my heart each and every day. Reading to the New House especially makes my heart grow just a little bit bigger. Books like Giraffe and a Half by Shel Silverstein, Anansi and the Magic Stick, and any and all Franklin books have become a staple part of my literary education at Open Arms, for sure. In the month of September while reading one night, I also brought my teddy bear with me. The boys loved him so much that the next night I brought my Nemo stuffed animal with me. Needless of say he took up residence there and did not return throughout the entire month of September.
Truly, being at Open Arms is a daily blessing. And while the month of September was trying, to say the least, full of frustrations big and small, the truth is, looking back, it was great. Suffice it to say every child is a blessing and every day with them is a blessing.
